


when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might take my place

by LivesInTheStars



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Darkness, Implied Relationships, Inner Struggles, Insanity, Internal Struggle, fighting your inner demons, i guess, in which i integrate as many song lyrics as i can, look who still cant tag, season 3b, song-based fanfiction, trying not to watch all your friends die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 07:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2539400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivesInTheStars/pseuds/LivesInTheStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles knows better than anyone that it's hard to share a body with a demon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might take my place

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my fanfiction.net account on March 15, 2014.
> 
> Inspired by the song "Afraid" by The Neighborhood. The first time I heard it, my mind ran right to Stiles. 
> 
> This is another one of my favourites. The hardest thing about writing it, surprisingly, was keeping it in first person rather than second.

That's my handwriting on that chalkboard, and there aren't very many explanations.

I'm sleep-telling-killers-who-to-kill. 

I'm crazy.

I'm dreaming.

I'm posessed.

It could be all of them, I'm too lost to know. _On the fence._ I have that feeling a lot 

But I know one thing for sure: I have to tell Scott. 

\---

Posessed.

I'm posessed. 

Sleepwalking, insomnia, riddles, writing on the wall.

It's not me. 

It's taking over, the me that's not me, the masked villain who unmasks to be me. 

"It's okay." "We'll figure it out." "It's not your fault." "We'll save you." "We can fix this." "It's not your fault." "Everything will be okay." 

_All my friends always lie to me._

\--

Let me out.

Letmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeout  
Stopstopstopstopnononononono  
Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup

"Don't go to sleep."

Don't go to sleep. Don't go to sleep. It gets out when you sleep. Don't go to sleep. Stop. No. Don't go to sleep. Don't sleep, Stiles. Don't go to sleep. Don't sleep.

\--

 _You're too mean. I don't like you.  
"Fuck you anyway."_ Shaking fingers. 

It laughs. 

\--

_You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs._

Letmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeout  
Stopnonononostopstopstopstopstopnononononono  
Letmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeout  
\--

 _When I wake up I'm afraid somebody else might take my place._ When I wake up I'm afraid that I'll be gone and it'll be him instead. 

_When I wake up I'm afraid that somebody else will end up being me._  
\--

Dreaming. It's a dream.

Notrealnotrealnotrealnotreal

It'sadreamit'sadreamit'sadreamStilesit'sadreamit'sadream

Let me in.

Let me out. 

_Fight those demons._

"Fight it, Stiles." That's Lydia's voice, but she's not here and I can't remember when she said it. "You're stronger than this. Smarter. Fight it." 

"Fight it, Stiles." Scott's voice. Sure brown eyes. _Keep on breathing._  
\--

Crazy.

I'm crazy.

(There is literally nothing you can say to me that will make you sound crazy.)

Crazy. I'm crazy. I'm in a mental hospital and there's no cure and I'm crazy. 

_And I can’t even see if it’s all there anymore so_

I'm crazy. 

Crazycrazycrazycrazy  
\--

" _You're too mean_ \--you're --you're evil. I hate you. Get out. Getoutgetoutgetoutgetout."

Lightning scars fading off my back. 

Gone.

" **Get out!"**

\--

_Fuck you anyway._

\--

_You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs._

It hurts but I won’t fight you. (I can't fight anymore. I can't. I'm so tired.)

You're taking everything from me.  
\--

_You suck anyway_

\--

This is the only way to protect you. 

I'm sorry.

Promise you'll kill me if you have to.

 _You make me wanna die._  
\--

 _When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place. When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might end up being me._

And that me that's not me will kill people. A lot of people.

Starting with dad and Lydia and Scott. 

I know because he told me.  
\--

_Being me can only mean  
Feeling scared to breathe_

 

Scared. Scared to breathe. Scared. So scared. Terrified, actually. Terrified.

I always feel this way now. Maybe it's Beacon Hills and kanimas and human sacrifices and nogitsunes and frontal temporal dementia. Maybe it's me and anxiety disorders and a werewolf for a best friend and a mom who's dead. 

 

"You have to take all of that, you know." 

"Being Stiles means being scared and having ADHD and panic attacks." 

He smiles and he has no face. 

He smiles and it's cruel and it has "I won't have to deal with that" written all over it. It's a smile that says "I'm going to kill all your friends and it's all a game and you're going to watch".  
\--

Lydia.

Lydia found me. Lydia. LydiaLydiaLydiaLydia.

It's not me, it's him, but a part of me can feel her there, moving farther away from me. Lydia, come back. _If you leave me then I’ll be afraid of everything._

Lydia.  
\--

Fight.

 _That makes me anxious_ (everything makes me anxious).

Death.

Anxietyanxietypanicpanicpanicshakig. 

"I'll kill them all."

There's no time. 

(There's no key. It's a cage --it's the inside of a locker-- and there's no key.)

"There's no time left, Stiles." 

Nothing _gives me patience, calms me down._

Lydia and Scott can end panic attacks, but they're not here.  
\--

Strength.

"Fight it. Fight this, Stiles." Scott and Lydia. The voices blend into one.

_Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up (I wake up, I wake up)_

"Fuck you, anyway." 

_Let me be._  
\--

Helphelphelphelpmegetout.

Letmeout.

_When I wake up, I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place._

When I wake up, I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me. 

He'll be me. He'll be me and he'll kill them.  
\--

"This isn't you."

"It is now."  
\--

Scott. It's Scott and Lydia and they're standing right there and I know the answer. 

I don't have to play anymore. 

So I wipe the board.


End file.
